Welcome to Walmart

For those that are less fond of "Welcome To Holland" I think this will be the Poem for you ;) Welcome To Walmart Having a baby is going to Costco on a Tuesday morning with your executive membership. It's quiet and the isles are wide and clean. People smile at you and some even give you high fives. There's treats on the end of the isles for you to try. The cashiers talk to you and call you by name. If you're lucky, Pete on isle 5 will say your name in his breathy sultry voice (I have no idea what that part has to do with parenting, but I liked it). Now, getting through Costco isn't always easy. Sometimes you get stuck behind a silver-headed centenarian who still uses a check but doesn't have an ID because they took her drivers license long ago. If it's your first time to Costco, it could be overwhelming. There's a LOT of stuff in there. You get confused. You get lost. You ask people around you and they are happy to help you on your way. Because they've been there before. Costco is even more challenging when you have other kids to take with you. But you'll make it through- because it's worth it in the end. So you think you're headed to Costco. Everything seems normal. You take the same roads. But when you get there BAM! It's a freaking Walmart. You don't want to go to Walmart. You've heard about it. More and more people around you have been having to go to Walmart. You don't want to be a part of that club. You have an executive membership to Costco, dammit! But in you go. The isles aren't wide enough for you to get around the meth head who's hotwired the motorized cart. It's loud. It's frustrating. People don't look you in the eyes. There are no treats on the end of the isles and no one gives you high fives. They mostly just keep away. Your anxiety seems to peak and you head to the nearest dark corner in the store hoping to lie down in the fetal position and rock a little. But you can't. Because the floor is always dirty. You can't take a break at Walmart. You've just got to endure. You find your way around and realize it's not ALL bad. It has lots of perks. Inside, you meet other Mom's like you. Who found themselves stuck at Walmart. They are some of the greatest people you've ever met. Occasionally, a stranger will walk by and smile, and it means more BECAUSE you are at Walmart. Your friends will call you from Costco and tell you all about how wonderful it is. You'll be sad that you can't be there with them, too. But you've realized that in many ways, Walmart is better than Costco, you just have to REALLY look hard to see. There's much more variety. There's more depth. You can buy 100 goldfish, everything you need to make pretty jewelry and milk in one place! You didn't know there could be so much good stuff in one store. But Walmart still sucks a lot of the time. It'll always be loud. It'll always be claustrophobic. But in the end, you'll find that your a much stronger person from having to go to Walmart than if you had to go to Costco.  And now that you're there, you'll take some time to walk to the furthest back corner and find the mother who is looking for a place to lie down and rock back and forth. Help her.  Taken from Mostly True Stuff

PICU

I love being a mother. I love the sweet rewards motherhood brings. Nothing comes close to hearing your child whisper "I love you" in your ear. Or having them hold just one of your fingers in their entire hand. I can't imagine my life without those tender moments. I don't want to imagine it...it hurts to much. Jonah was admitted to the children's hospital the last week in January, after I called 911.

His oxygen needs were more then what we were set up for at home. The night was a sleepless one for me as I paced the hallway and took vitals every 45 minutes along with giving Jonah hourly puffs of albuterol and cpt. I knew where this was headed when he fell to the high 70s on 2 lts of oxygen. At 4:54 I called 911. 9 minutes later one ambulance and one fire truck came to our door. I directed them into Jonah's room where he was laying down. The emt started taking his own set of vitals while another emt asked me a number of questions about Jonah. "15 lts, his sats are going up!" the emt who was working on Jonah said. 15 lts. Wow that is a lot of oxygen. Blow by of course but still. They strapped Jonah into his car seat and transported him up to pcmc where we met a few familiar faces. (maybe the only bonus of being a frequent flier, we know a lot of medical personnel) on arrival Jonah was still on a high amount if blow by oxygen but in order for the hospital to get a better idea of where his base line is they removed all supporting oxygen from him and we all watched the monitor as his numbers fell from 100 down to 73. Yeah, I knew what this meant and yes, I found myself swallowing my heart. Jonah was being admitted into the PICU. He spent a long 4 days in there and when he was stable and adavan free (a whole other post in its own) he was moved up to the floor where he would finish out his oxygen ween. Jonah came home a few days later still on oxygen but at a more comfortable number. That was about a month and a half ago and Jonah is still on 24/7 oxygen. His needs have increased from 1/4 to 1/2 ltr. at night he is still on a full ltr. Okay, so I've been avoiding writing this as it is painful, and it was a horrible hospitalization. I'm not ready to share all that went on because frankly I don't want to face the possibilities of Jonah's life. I just wanted to document yet another hospitalization. I did really appreciate my mom taking a flight out here and spending the week with little miss Mo and taking care of us. Also to a few friends who stayed with Jonah so I could have a moment to be away. I have good women in my life. Such great examples of charity and friendship.