VERY Merry Christmas

It was! It was! Indeed we all had a very wonderful Christmas! Though the beginning of the weekend seemed very touch and go, Like my boy does, he pushed through it! I am so glad he did.

Christmas here was amazing.  There was definitely a Christmas spirit that my entire family felt. We had a few secrete Santa's, and that really made this day an even better one. Not because of the gifts my family received but the gift they gave with out even knowing so. 

The gift I so badly needed: To know people cared about me, my son my family. It's such a lovely feeling to know that people are mindful of you, especially when you feel so alone. I have a hard time (fear) asking for help. I would rather drowned then ask (bother) a friend for a floatation device. Sounds silly, this I know.  Imagine you were afraid to speak in front of people and then you were forced up onto a stage to give a speech to thousands! What would they say?  How would they respond? Would they snicker behind your back?   Well, that's how I feel. I need to get over this fear I know.  But I have to say that having friends/family throw me a flotation vice in this time of need was truly a Christmas gift that I will always hold close to my heart.

In other breaking news....

Today marks DAY 1 of toilet training Jonah!
Jonah is starting to go down on his steroids!
Morgan has Pink eye!
I got the Kitchen floor moped!...3 times! (first line of this list)

and yet again.....

Tired.
Ran down.
still surviving.
These are the words that continuously ran through my mind today.

Most families are shopping for gifts, going to Christmas parties, enjoying festivities of sorts and admiring Christmas lights outlining their neighborhoods. Not here. Nope. Here, this night I lye next to my baby debating my next move as I hear each inhale... and I guess some would refer to the snorkeling sound escaping his mouth as an exhale.

I think I can....I think I can.... I can! I can! ...
I just don't want to. Life with a special needs child (yes, even a child as cute and adorable as mine) is difficult. It's draining, but yet, do I dare say it???
Rewarding.

Ah yes, REWARDING! I just need to keep that word, those beautiful moments that I do have with him playing in my mind as some sort of a back ground noise. I need to stay focused... hmm, not my strongest skill. 

Can I just share how frustrating it is to have a child discharged just a week ago from a 10 day stay in the hospital only to have him sick again???  Ugh. It just rattles me knowing that this kiddo of mine has to go through this EVERY WINTER!  Today the plan was set that Jonah would start back on steroids on a hefty dose and gradually go down on the dose over the next 3 weeks. He was also given a script for Augmenton to kill bacteria growing in his lungs. The doctor wants to see us again tomorrow to re-evaluate Jonah's status.  If he seems worse he will be admitted.

 Boo-Hoo!

 I don't get it. I don't understand why he has to endure all of this.