Not an Easy Job

I would be lying if I said that being Jonah's mom is an easy job. I find as the days turn to weeks it is getting harder to give %100 percent. That is hard for me to deal with, frustrating really. frustrating because I am in charge of me, and the fact that I am so emotionally exhausted, that some days I just wait for the clock to read a magical number so that I can proclaim it nap time. As some of you may or may not know, Jonah has sensory integration issues which stem from him being either in the hospital on life support or being in the hospital on lots of meds. Because he played the in and out game at the hospital he was not able to make connections that most babies his age would have the opportunity to make. Therefor, Jonah is probably at a 9-12 mo level in physical development. In speech he is probably at a 6-9 mo level. (This is extremely frustrating for Jonah because cognitively he is around 15 mo) But hands down he throws a great tantrum that I personally would rate at about a 3 year old level! Because of all of this combined Jonah has tendencies to bang his head on the floor, cabinets, crib railing, bathtub, and refrigerator. It is a tough scene that I am so tired of watch unfold. His therapist says to put a pillow under his head when he starts banging, but he gets more agitated and throws the pillow and then hits his head even harder. If I pick him up I honestly get headbutted so hard in the chest, chin, nose, and head, that it easily makes tears surface. OUCH! The kid has some power behind his punch!

It seems as he is getting older he is doing this more and more. He usually starts out doing it for "input" but as soon as I put the pillow down or scootch him away from the area he goes into full blown tantrum that is now leaving noticeable bruses on his forhead. Ahh, it really bites! I hate watching him do it for the input, but I know it gets worse if I intervene.

Jonah is now on house arrest. A friend of mine who works at the children's hospital has been so loyal as to inform me what illnesses are coming in and from what part of Utah they are coming from. As of Saturday, she reported that 30 cases of paraflu have been reported coming out of Salt Lake. This is no beuno! Paraflu and Jonah go together like pork roast and a vegetarian. Thsi is the flue that has sent our little man to the hospital on many occations.

It seems as though every time I turn around there is a new virus and a new warning. After a long talk, and weighing pros and con's Isaac and I both decided that perhaps quiting, really quiting working at Learning Tree would be in Jonah's best interest. So I did. Although I was really only working 2-3 hours a week, I could not be there and supseptible to catching or passing on, the virus of the week/month. I feel really good about our decission. I know that means that money will only get tighter, but living without some stuff sure beats the guilt that I may be the REASON why J got sick, and definatley beats living at the hospital!

As a parent I don't think you are ever sure that you are making the right choices for your family. For that reason I do worry. All I can do is try my best today, and hope that is good enough, and if not...thankgoodness for tomorrow!