I just don't know

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
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This weekend has been hard. Much harder then I imagined it would be and today I find myself crumbling.

I took the kids with me on a little get a way trip to Cali, I will post about it tomorrow. To days post is me just feeling beaten down and discouraged. I need advise I need answers because people, I think I'm falling apart.



I am at a loss as of what to do with Mr. Jonah. He is wearing all of us down. Our new motto: If Jonah ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...so hurry up and make him happy! It's the truth! He causes so much tension and stress, and frankly I just need a break. The biting is getting worse, the head banging is starting back up, and in a 18 hr period Jonah has pulled his feeding tube out 2 times.

He pulled it out in the night (I didn't go in when he was crying after waking)and out it came...balloon in tact full of 5cc of water. Of course I didn't know this until I went to his morning feeds and saw he had a huge rash and no G tube. Because it was out for so long the hole that the tube goes into had closed. Morgan, Jonah and I sat up at the hospital for 5 hours!! This was so insane, and such a wast of time I was pissy as could be.

While his lungs are sounding better his behavior is getting worse. Tomorrow I will call his behavior specialist and see if we might be able to get in to see her on a more regular basis because I just don't know what to do any more. He has become so violent towards me/ It just makes me sad, I know he is just frustrated, but I can't read his mind, I don't know what he wants. The whole right side of my face and neck are scratched up. On the plane to Cali he gave me a fat lip, that is bruised and painful today. I don't know? I just don't know any more. I am so frustrated. I am so tired and my heart is sad for my Jonah.