here is the update

I am getting so excited For Christmas! We debated putting up our tree, at the time I was just feeling a little bit humbuggish....I am so glad we did, I am now filled with the Christmas spirit.

Finals are finished! I am so proud of myself for finishing my first semester. Woohoo! Only four more to go...

So here is the part I have been putting off, and trying to dodge. It's a tough topic for me to discuss so perhaps it's just better to write it and not have to tell everyone individually. Though it may not seeem to be a big deal to some, keep in mind that if it were your child you may feel the same way.

A few weeks ago we went to a follow up with J's lung doctor. She had some great concerns about Jonah and his development. Jonah does display some signs of being autistic, though he is NOT autistic...he has been placed on the spectrum due to so many similarities with Autistic children. Examples being, banging his head, sensory intergration problems, high pitched squeal, clapping, hand flapping,and finally not talking. (though he does do some babbling) I have known for a while that something was not right with Jonah, but nothing could prepare you for a doctor, a doctor whome you have grown to love and trust tells you this, "I think Jonah may have suffered some brain damage, for lack of a better term" My heart fell right onto the floor, along with any hopes I had for Jonah. She explained herself "Jonah almost died, they wanted to withdrawl all support from him Jessica, when a child is that sick and has CO2 levels as high as 200-205 you don't leave that state without any problems, Most children I have seen who have been that close to death do have brain development issues. I feel this is the case with Jonah. I think it's time to meet with a neurologist."

I waited a few days, I cried a few days, then I called and set up an appointment. I was schedualed for some time in January. My good friend/nurse at our FP dr called in a rescedualed it for December 14th (Monday)I was so ready to call the whole thing off. I am at this point so overwhelmed. I talked to a friend and decided it needs to be done. Jonah and I went up to the hospital and met with the doctor. Jonah was so well behaved I was affraid the doctor would not be able to see what Jonah ndoes or how he acts...I was so surprised. The doctor told me he definatley thinks there is something going on and would like Jonah to have an MRI of his brain. He said that what the lung doctor had said makes perfect sense. He also felt that Jonah was showing signs of ADD, but said accurate testing cannot be performed this young and when J starts school he should be tested. The doctor said some stuff that just left me feeling empty, he spoke of long term whether or not Jonah would be able to live independently or not, whether or not he has some strange disease called "storage disease. He left the room to make a follow up apointment and my head was spinning! I could have just lost it, but I didn't. I picked up Jonah brought him to the window that looked over the Salt Lake Valley, sat him on the window seal and just held him tight. I came to this reasoning, (as Jonah continuosly banged his head against the glass) I cannot change Jonah, He is who he is. All I can do is Love him and make sure he is given an equal chance in life. No matter what I will always fight for him and make sure he is getting all support that he will need to live a real life. After I made that commitment this all seemed so much more doable. Im not saying it's easy, it's not. Im not sayingh my heart is healed, it's not. Im saying that I know as a family we will make it through. With all of the support I have I will make it through.