I have had some time to go through the stages of grieving, although I stoped and paused and then backed up and repeated. I am still not sure where I stand on this news but Ive decided it really doesn't matter. I love Jonah and for a brief moment a doctor took that away from me.
For a few days I didn't even want to look at him, it hurt so bad. All that I loved about Jonah was now being thrown into the "Autism Spectrum" I felt robbed I felt so many emotions that It physically made me sick to hear the word let alone say it out loud.
I am ready for whatever tests Jonah is going to have to go through. It will be just another way for me to learn how to better parent Jonah. A friend of mine came down yesterday and we had the chance to talk a lot about this topic. One of my biggest issues as of now is the big thick black line that is dividing this situation. I have friends of "high functioning" kiddos with Autism as well as doctors who all see this going on with Jonah, then I have friends and family who have "normal" kids who believe this diagnosis is incorrect. It's a hard spot for me to be in when a huge part of me wants to believe that Jonah does not have Autism, but then my eyes are seeing something different.
Jonah went into speech and it was the same thing... His therapist didn't think he showed typical signs either, but she pulled out a test and much to her surprise he was on the spectrum.However I did quest a second opinion with a Dr named Brad Peck. It will be in early September.
As of now I am once again enjoying my sweet Jonah and loving all his little quirks along the way! Jonah is a very special child, if you have met him or ever get the chance to you will feel the energy and love he has for everyone. I love him more and more each day! I'm so lucky to have this Lil guy, and never again will I let a test take that feeling away from me.
Thank you for all the kind words, calls, and visits. Thank you everyone for helping me realize what I was over looking. I really do have some great friends!
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I am so glad to hear you are doing better. Just remember that you don't have to be 'OK' with it or feel good about it right away. It is a process and it takes time to go through. Having a child diagnosed with a life changing disorder that is not curable is not something you can adjust to, or get used to overnight. You are a strong mom, and you will get through it. Don't be afraid to lean on those who have been through it before and use their strength to get you through. Jonah is a very special boy. I love him to death and I don't know how all that well. He definantly has alot of love and is gonig to do amazing things. If you need anything, please let me know!!!
ReplyDeleteYou will always have people tell you the diagnosis is wrong. My mother in law said that. And I was the same way before i had Tanner in thinking that all autistic kids rocked in a corner. People have to remember that autism is a spectrum disorder, so even if he does not have autism, he is on the spectrum and these schools will help him tremendously. I love my kissy Jonah and wouldn't Change a thing!
ReplyDeleteI love you so much Jess.
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