Slacker mama

I feel the thrush hold of chaotic-ness trying to beat down the wall I have cemented down.  Jonah is up for testing to see if indeed he does have an autoimmune dissease but I just cannot bring myself to make the appointment with the doctor.  I still haven't taken him to do the blood work.  I know how this must sound, but please don't judge, I am just not sure I can physically nor mentally handle the news, and that scares me.  I am so in love with this child of mine I just cant bare knowing that his already challenging life just might get more challenging. Just thinking about it makes my heart break.

I know the tests and the appointments need to be made and I will do it. just not sure if it will be today.