Little J is Back in School

Jonah started school this morning!  I wish I was as ready as he was.
At 7am this morning I found myself running through WalMart, on a hunt for a "full size" back pack. I found one.... looked at it, looked at Jonah.. looked at the "pack-pack" again, said something  (I will not repeat) and threw the bag in my cart and checked out.

The back pack goes down to Jonahs ankles. Very cute, not sure how useful this will be for him.  I may need to talk to his new teacher about using the small back packs he used last year.

He did very well, though throughout the day he kept asking for "Abby"...sad. Abby is one of Jonah's teachers from summer as well as last school year.  Though I read in his "take home note" he was doing well remembering his new teachers names.

This is J's first time being in school full time. His school uses a note book system to communicate with parents daily as well as parents to communicate with the teachers. I love it!
I'm very excited for what this school year brings. Jonah is a very well liked child by all who meet him and that makes me happy to see. This school is amazing and we are lucky to have Jonah excepted into their program.

Name Them One by One

Not gonna lie, today was rough. Yesterday was rough. Im feeling discouraged.  The best kind of medicine for a poor me- pitty party is realizing and being grateful for the ways you have been blessed.
My list:

• My beautiful children that I am in love with
• God is mindful of me and my family
• My health
• I have a place to call home and a family to share it with
• My washing machine and dryer
• Healthy food in my fridge, food starage in my garage
• Friends that love me, care about me, and remind me of this
• A car that I can drive to where ever and just cry if needed
• Doctors who saved Jonah's life
• Doctors who continue to help him
• Respiratory therapists who have touched my heart through Jonah
• Morgan's beautiful spirit
• My new subbing job
• Friends that have addopted me and my family into theirs
• Google
• An awsome ward
• My special needs friends...hahaha. You know what I mean....
• Books
• Technology
• Essential oils
• Meghan Crovo, Becky Rockwood, Jane & Beth, Lacey Rugg, Melissa Christenson
• Family near and far

In a short 2 minutes this is what came to mind and I feel overwhelmed by love.

Yikes

Yikes is right! So much has been going on Ive hardly a second to write a post on my neglected blog! Hmm, where to start. I guess I will start with the most devastating news.  Isaac lost his job.  Sucks.  Really really sucks! But it's not the end of the world and we have been through harder times.  We are fortunate to have a back up plan... a back up plan that would include me going back to work. I was offered a few jobs to my amazement and went for the one that best suits my family... aka Jonah's needs.

Isaac has been on the prowl looking for work and had one interview this morning at ARUP ( I mention this solely so that if you work there you will put in a good word) and then another one tomorrow for another company. AKA "the church."

My heart is sad. I always knew I would go back to work this year I was just hoping it would have been later then sooner. If I have learned anyhing from my life's given trials  it is this; never get comfortable. Life is always moving god is always challenging his children to grow, learn and except.  The burn from all this is still afflicting my vision, but time will take care of it.

Isaac's Dad & sis are on their way here! I am  ALWAYS excited to have family come. Too often we are the ones traveling so it's nice to have family come to us.... oh wait, this means I have to clean the house...

Yikes!  I better get a move on it is 11:30pm and I have work at 8am! hope a little bit of dirt doesn't scare them off ;)

medical stuff

Mr Jonah is an extremely odd child when it comes to his health, but has become wonderfully delightful when it comes to his personality and his looks...well,  he is a small bundle of cuteness overload!!

Jonahs blood work (labs) came back 2 weeks ago.  They showed that Jonah does NOT have a t-cell deficitantsy (yay!).  But that indeed there is great concern about the "memory" of his cells. I don't want to get that much into the findings, (due to a former post that I learned a hefty lesson about) but Jonah's body is responding to each illness he catches as though it was the first time he was ever exposed to it. This is perhaps why a cold that would make you or I feel just a little congested, wipes Jonah out and sometimes lands him in the hospital. His immune system is not "remembering"...but indeed he does have one!

We will be doing more tests and more blood work over the next two months.  If the doctors do not see a difference within some of the tests, then Jonah will start  a process called IVIG. (click to read more on IVIG)

What's best?

Some days I wish that time would stop ticking away. I need to catch my breath, feel my pulse, and hear my exhale. I need to find my center.  I need to feel connected to me once again. I must learn how to stop, how to focus and most importantly how to deal.

I think I have decided to take fall semester off.

No good reason, only that I need a long (really, really long) mental health day (semester). I have been deliberating with my self as to what the "right" decision is and I am at a stand still. Both are reasonable choices... Go to school in the fall, continue towards my higher education, or take time off and re cooperate, acknowledge, digest, except, and center myself  from what the last 3+ years has dished out.  I still find myself in denial.

Because of that denial I have chosen to turn my cheek and not deal with life in a meaningful way.  Instead I cram as much as I can into every second of everyday doing things for everyone.... everyone but me, just so I don't have to deal with the emotions that have been building and building. Oh, and have gained quite a few Lbs too.

  Both kids will be in school full time starting Fall. Though this decision makes me feel uneasy, makes me feel like I am a lazy person, makes me feel like I'm letting myself and others down I recognize that this is the attitude and self judgment that I continuously place on myself.  Very unhealthy I might add.

Who knows, I may regret this decision or this might be the best choice I have made for my sanity.  Because time will continue to go forward I will learn the consequence of this decision soon enough.  Let's hope it's a beautiful one.

Im Back... and Im wireless...kinda!

Ah Finally! I have not had my laptop or PC running in an entire month! (relying solely on a smart phone bites and I don't envy those who do this as a constant!) Mr. Jonah broke something that hooks into the computer.. yadda yadda we needed to get wireless I procrastinated we went to the mall last Friday ran into some wireless Kiosk peeps signed here initialled there... waited a week for some guy to do something and walla I have spent the last hour and a half installing our new Qwest wireless only to unhook and learn that I have no clue what the hell I'm doing. and so folks I'm online and wireless, but ironically still hooked up to cords because I'm not sure how to be online and unhooked. Lame!

I have lots to share, but I will break it up so my posts don't drag on.

Holding on tight

I'm typing from my phone so please excuse any crazy typos. Last monday I took jonah in for blood work.when the results came in the doctor thought it would be best to have an immunologist go over the results because true to jonah style, his labs were peculiaa nd difficult too read.i made the appointment with immunology and was told the next available appointment would not be till august 18. I asked to be placed on a cancellation list and much to my surprise j landed himself an appointment for tomorrow morning. I am so nervous! I am fearful of everything when it comes to my baby. My brain cells are fried I have no clue as to what I need to ask.

Slacker mama

I feel the thrush hold of chaotic-ness trying to beat down the wall I have cemented down.  Jonah is up for testing to see if indeed he does have an autoimmune dissease but I just cannot bring myself to make the appointment with the doctor.  I still haven't taken him to do the blood work.  I know how this must sound, but please don't judge, I am just not sure I can physically nor mentally handle the news, and that scares me.  I am so in love with this child of mine I just cant bare knowing that his already challenging life just might get more challenging. Just thinking about it makes my heart break.

I know the tests and the appointments need to be made and I will do it. just not sure if it will be today.

step by step....oooh baby (thank you NKOTB)

Isaac and I celebrated 10 years of marriage on the 4th of June.  It was fun, it was romantic it was everything and more.  I can't stop smiling it was so wonderful.  I have forgotten how much fun the two of us have when we are not dealing with the chaos of life.  I can't wait to escape again, only one of my favorite medical mommies is heading for the California hills soon.  Boo!  Who will take J? Anyone???  Hmmm, I'm sure I have leverage on at least one of you!


The Ped called on Friday to set up testing for the adorable Jonah. He needs to be off steroids for 30days and so far he has been doing great with no withdrawls. Oh, and he has one week under his belt and needs to do 3 more before they will take his blood. I might be a fool for writing this but deep in my heart I just don't think Jonah has an autoimmune disease. I have stoped  thinking about it or wasting energy on it. Because I see a boy who thrives to live life, I just don't see him as a sick and fragile child we once knew.   Thoughts???

Smiling all the While

I'm so giddy tonight! Could it be because Jonah is being nice to all of us? Or because I will be going to the "Big Apple" Friday night with Isaac to celebrate 10 years of pure... hmmm, struggles? Lol.

To be honest, I'm quite nervous about going to New York, but when you have a hubby who gets free flights and great friends (and I mean great!) to take kids for us, well, gee there really is no excuses for us not to go and celebrate 10 years of marriage. After all we never had a honey moon. And the past 3 years and 7 months have been nothing but a rush of ups and downs that has led to many stressful days that lead to months that have turned into years. Yes... We deserve to escape and enjoy ourselves. (but yes, I may chicken out so don't hold it against me)

Because I am a frugal mama/wifey I have managed to create a  mini (and I mean mini) vacation  under $100.00 bucks!  (wha? We fly free, it's do-able!)  I have managed to book a flight that flies through the night landing in NY right after the sun rises. We will be in Manhattan for 12 hours then hop back on the plane for home. We won't be getting lots of sleep but hey, we're young, we can do it!