My Guy

It's so funny how I look at my children all day long. I looked at Jonah while he was playing in sensory box with such concentration all over his face and all of a sudden my almost 3 year old really looked like a 3 year old (instead of the 18 mo he usually passes as). I felt the smile beaming on my face, but then oddly enough I was a little saddened. My baby is growing. He really is starting to look less like a toddler and more like a boy...And such a sweet boy!

Just wanted to share...

SIDE NOTE> Ok weird, I logged on to write and blogger has changed. There are some cool things, but then there are also new changes that make it confusing and I don't function well while being confused.

And now, here's something you'll really like




I was just in the beginning stages of coming to terms that right now life sucks, I mean really sucks! Then..........

My phone rang!

No it wasn't extreme makeover or Oprah or at this point Jerry Springer! Alas it was Kristin! Yes, it was Kristin bla bla hyphenated something. She called and I picked up. This is a miracle due to the fact we have been playing phone tag for a month now. Kristin is the head of the preschool at PINGREE. So, I chatted it up with her only to learn that now the waiting list is closer to 1.5 - 2 years out. Crazy! I asked her tons of questions to see if this is even the right direction I should be taking Jonah knowing that its such a long wait, and then the curtain was pulled back and she revealed to me top secret information.

Ok, maybe not top secret, but definitely not information that was ever given to me.

Pingree offers a part time, M-Th 8-11am preschool class for kiddos who have autism or PDD-NOS. I believe this is the "Expanding Horizons Child Development Center" There is still a waiting list, but Kristin said Jonah will be able to get into the class by January! I am so happy. All of a sudden 52 lb of mud fell off my chest and I can breath. I have a plan now in place! (FYI~ this is a total phychotic/mama bear/ VIRGO thing, but I need direction at all times in my life at this point or I am coocoo; I have whiteness's to this fact.)

Funny how one change in your day (like picking up your phone) can get you back up in the saddle again and ready for a new ride.

48 hrs in California, but a life lesson in time

When the plane finally hit ground in San Jose Ca, everything was ok. I could breath. We made it. I would not have to worry about Jonah on a plane for another 48 hrs. And we sure enjoyed those 48 hours. I didn't even realize all that we had done until sharing our trip and details with my brother. It was great fun, and always wonderful to see my Mom and her husband, Isaac's dad and my wonderful grandparents. Oh, and my friends!



I took the kids to the beach one morning and we were able to watch the sun rise and walk along the beach with ankles in the water. It was like a dejavu. Something I use to do with my mom, brother and sisters. My mom use to wake us up to hit the beach for an early swim in the ocean. (I'm talking like 6:00 am...Ok It might have been around 8am) Yes it was cold, but so much fun!

I took Morgan and Jonah to a beach, Isaac and I use to go to a lot while we were dating. It was a breath of fresh air to climb down the rocks and have nothing before me but the beautiful ocean and my feet sinking into the sand. To my left there was a life guard tower. As teenagers Isaac and I would hang out at this tower a lot! haha, such fun times a time in my life when I was just really starting to understand life, relationships, dreams, love and yet was so naive to what the future held. At that moment I wished Isaac was at that beach with me, holding my hand, making up dreams of what our future would hold for us. I look back and laugh, we sure had no idea what was in store. I don't recall ever talking about how we would handle a special needs child or the divide it would put between us.



Maybe it was for the best, for us to not have this planned out.

We have become so much more by taking it in day by day, at our own pace. We have become a stronger team. I have become a better wife and he a better husband. I am learning that this is not something I will ever be able to do on my own and I am grateful for the breaks and down time that he gives me. I guess I need to start learning how to use that time more wisely so that I can be all that I can for Mo and Jo. I am realizing so much from one 48 hr trip, this little Va-Ca was what I needed, though it didn't clear my head like I had hoped, it helped me realize I can no longer do all that I used to be able to do, I can no longer handle the amount of stress I once was able to juggle. all in all this is not a bad thing, I just need to get familiar with the word "no". I need to stop putting myself out there when I know it will just be to much for me.

I just don't know

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
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This weekend has been hard. Much harder then I imagined it would be and today I find myself crumbling.

I took the kids with me on a little get a way trip to Cali, I will post about it tomorrow. To days post is me just feeling beaten down and discouraged. I need advise I need answers because people, I think I'm falling apart.



I am at a loss as of what to do with Mr. Jonah. He is wearing all of us down. Our new motto: If Jonah ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...so hurry up and make him happy! It's the truth! He causes so much tension and stress, and frankly I just need a break. The biting is getting worse, the head banging is starting back up, and in a 18 hr period Jonah has pulled his feeding tube out 2 times.

He pulled it out in the night (I didn't go in when he was crying after waking)and out it came...balloon in tact full of 5cc of water. Of course I didn't know this until I went to his morning feeds and saw he had a huge rash and no G tube. Because it was out for so long the hole that the tube goes into had closed. Morgan, Jonah and I sat up at the hospital for 5 hours!! This was so insane, and such a wast of time I was pissy as could be.

While his lungs are sounding better his behavior is getting worse. Tomorrow I will call his behavior specialist and see if we might be able to get in to see her on a more regular basis because I just don't know what to do any more. He has become so violent towards me/ It just makes me sad, I know he is just frustrated, but I can't read his mind, I don't know what he wants. The whole right side of my face and neck are scratched up. On the plane to Cali he gave me a fat lip, that is bruised and painful today. I don't know? I just don't know any more. I am so frustrated. I am so tired and my heart is sad for my Jonah.

MY 200th POST!!!

This is my 200Th post on Fourinthefam! I have nothing exciting to write about.... Hmmmmmmmmm, give it a minute, something will come......

How about a run down???

Jonah~ Jonah has been doing some very strange things as of late. He is biting himself. I mean open mouth clench down biting so hard there are multiple bite marks over laying each other on his arm...needless to say I don't condone this behavior and have tried everything in my power to stop it. It has come down now to me buying bitter "no chew" apple spray for puppies. THIS IS NOT CRUEL PLEASE DON'T LEAVE MEAN COMMENTS. My son is eating himself! I have no other choice. His arms & hands are so bruised (when I cover his arms he bites his hands) I need to beat this head on. "Training" will start tomorrow...I hope this works!

Granted if Jonah has taught me one thing, it is this; Jonah is not going to give up biting him self, with out trading this behavior for another...here's to hoping the next behavior is better then this!

Morgan~ Mo starts her second year of preschool on Monday! (Finally) It has been a long summer. I was starting to feel guilty reading every ones face book status about how sad these mommies are about school starting, I'm over summer and ready to have that wild child back into a structured class room. She has just started working with me on pronouncing her "s" (she has a lisp...a very cute one!) It is both exciting and sad to hear her loose it. I know her grammy would be sad to not hear it anymore. But we don't want a Cindy Brady...Ouch, that was harsh! Lol!! (sorry I'm in a mood)

Isaac & Jess~ Well, we are boring. We are crazy. But we are boring and crazy together and that's what matters...Right?

Medical supplies up for grabs

Ok folks, I have just completed my semi annual "cleaning of the medical supplies" clean out. So What have I got up for grabs????

> 6ply- 2in.X2in. drain sponges (70ct)

> 60mL syringe with catheter tip (medium tip) (13ct)

> 60mL syringe slip tip (9ct)

> 60mL syringe with catheter tim (long tip) (20ct)

> 12" bolus feeding tube with single port (works w/both mini & mic-key) (4ct)

> catheter plug (2)

> 10mL syringe slip tip (goes directly into side of button to in/deflate balloon) (14ct)

> kangaroo Joey feeding bags (60ct)

PLEASE REPOST OR PASS ALONG IF YOU KNOW OF A CHILD WHO ANY OF THIS STUFF MAY BE OF USE TOO.

liar liar pants on fire!

Today I was watching the kids cousin and of course my two. We went to the park for a bit this morning to get some energy out. We were playing, then another mom came over with her little guy. At one point we were all on the bouncers and the mom asked how old my children were. I told her that the cousin was a cousin and not mine, but then I rambled off their ages and paused and told a lie... I told her Jonah was 3! I knew what would happen but still I wanted to test it, and I scored an A+ Her chin dropped and she said "come again?" "Yeah, he's 3" I said again.(acting like she was obsered for even questioning me, the mother) Now this was only funny because the cousin is like 6 months younger then J and looks like he is 3 but in fact he just turned 2 in April, and then there is Jonah who will be 3 in 2 months and looks like he might be 18 months. Usually I lie and say J is 15-18 months old depending on A) how he is acting and B) what age he looks like in the outfit he is wearing. I do this only to avoid questions and comparrisons, at this point I know all the comparrisons and I don't need other mommies to ask if my child can do this or that yet, or tell me their story of how they once went to the children's hospital because their child had tubes placed in their ears. I know sounds cold, but people you get tired of hearing people try to compare their child's stuffy nose to your childs struggle to breath.

Too many complaints for a Tuesday...sorry!

I took Jonah and Morgan swimming this afternoon, and thought it would be a great opportunity to put Jonah's new life jacket on him... wrong! He was screaming just as I was walking towards him to put it on. I delt with the screaming holding his hands off to the side as he fought me. I won in the beginning and got the thing on him.(at this point we are both in the water) I let go of him to show him he would float and he continued to kick and scream. As I brought him in closer to be he scratched my nose and left me with a bloody nose. It was oh so painful, I just took the vest off and let him just play on the stairs of the pool.

I came up with a wonderful idea for Isaac and I to have alone "date night" time. Tonight was the first night we put that plan to action. We signed him up to go to the same gym as I go to, then we could work out together while the kids play in the gym daycare. It was alot of fun until I was getting a little too competitive with Isaac and I hit my knee on the corner of the stationary bike and started gushing blood out of the new blue bruise growing on my knee. OUCH!!! It was so painful!

Yes, I'm complaining of my injuries!

In other super busy news, School started back for me last week and I'm feel pretty confident that I will do well in the class as long as I have good attendance, which (big surprise) is something I have trouble following through on. Thus why I usually do Internet courses. I have class 2 times a week. it is seeming to be working out great with our schedules it's just me and my own issues of being tired and lazy at the end of the day. Last place I want to be is sitting in a desk listening to a professor for 2 hours.

Yes, more complaining...

I think I'm done. Whew, starting to feel better! Thanks for reading and taking this all in!
HEY, why have all you folks stopped writing comments??? I love comments! I read them frequently to gather inspiration, strength, and wisdom! Keep them coming!

Therapy Box

I am inspired!

I spent a pretty penny and have made Mr. Jonah a "therapy box." I have found lot's of great finds for his sensory needs. My idea is to use it while Morgan is in school or sleeping or out with dad. I must stay strong and obey the golden rule of oly using these items as therapy and not for play time!!! (This by the way is one of the hardest tasks a momma could do, It's like buying Xmas presents in Sept and "pretending" like you are really going to be able to keep them from your child) I just get excited and I love when Jonah finds something he really likes.

So what's in this "therapy box" you ask?

Play-doe
squishy frog
ear phones
timer
bath loofa thingy
CPT back thumper
slime
Kleenex (we have him throw Kleenex as hard as he can!)
deflated balloons ( I blow them up and he holds as the air deflates)
plastic pins imprinting toy

If you have any ideas to help fill the box please let me know! I'm super excited to introduce this to him. As of now all he has is his bucket of beans, so this will be a great start to learning more about how to help Jonah.

Back in the saddle and going full throttle

I have had some time to go through the stages of grieving, although I stoped and paused and then backed up and repeated. I am still not sure where I stand on this news but Ive decided it really doesn't matter. I love Jonah and for a brief moment a doctor took that away from me.

For a few days I didn't even want to look at him, it hurt so bad. All that I loved about Jonah was now being thrown into the "Autism Spectrum" I felt robbed I felt so many emotions that It physically made me sick to hear the word let alone say it out loud.


I am ready for whatever tests Jonah is going to have to go through. It will be just another way for me to learn how to better parent Jonah. A friend of mine came down yesterday and we had the chance to talk a lot about this topic. One of my biggest issues as of now is the big thick black line that is dividing this situation. I have friends of "high functioning" kiddos with Autism as well as doctors who all see this going on with Jonah, then I have friends and family who have "normal" kids who believe this diagnosis is incorrect. It's a hard spot for me to be in when a huge part of me wants to believe that Jonah does not have Autism, but then my eyes are seeing something different.

Jonah went into speech and it was the same thing... His therapist didn't think he showed typical signs either, but she pulled out a test and much to her surprise he was on the spectrum.However I did quest a second opinion with a Dr named Brad Peck. It will be in early September.

As of now I am once again enjoying my sweet Jonah and loving all his little quirks along the way! Jonah is a very special child, if you have met him or ever get the chance to you will feel the energy and love he has for everyone. I love him more and more each day! I'm so lucky to have this Lil guy, and never again will I let a test take that feeling away from me.

Thank you for all the kind words, calls, and visits. Thank you everyone for helping me realize what I was over looking. I really do have some great friends!